ASYLUM: Chapters 12 & 13

 

Chapter 12

   I hate it when I wake up and I’m not sure where I am. I looked around and it was dark, the room seemed familiar, but different. I could hear Debra’s soft breathing though, so I relaxed and went back to sleep.

 

 

   I woke up and looked around, what the hell? I thought I was hallucinating. I was in the bedroom of the original apartment I had when I was running the sprinkler crew. I wasn’t in my bed though; it was a hospital bed. This was confusing. I sat up and…damn…my right leg was in a full-length cast. Then I experienced a sharp pain in my side and remembered, oh yeah, I got shot. Wonderful.

   “Hey! Is anybody there?” I heard a scuffling sound and then Debra walked in.

   “Hey, Honey, you woke up!” She walked to the side of the bed and checked the IV bag that looked like it was empty. “Yep, all done,” she said.

   “Uh, what’s going on?”

   “The clinic is overfilled, and they needed the extra space. The guy that had your apartment didn’t need it anymore, so here we are.”

   “Why wouldn’t he need it any more, did he leave?”

   “He bet on the wrong horse and lost.”

   “Debra, I'm feeling a little fuzzy, could you please give me a direct answer?”

   “He decided to support Marlow and got his ass shot away.”

   “Oh, okay, but why are we here?”

   “Everyone that matters decided you deserved it and I win by association.” She smiled and sat on the edge of the bed. “Are you hungry?”

   “Yeah, I am, but what the hell is this?” I asked as I pointed at the cast on my leg.

   The bright smile dimmed a bit, “Yeah, that. Um, it sort of broke.”

   “How does a leg sort of break?”

   “Well, Horne says it must have had a green stick break that didn’t show up on the x-rays he took when it was originally injured.”

   “So, every time I took a header, I screwed it up again?”

   “Yeah, and then Becker was able to brace against the wall you had him on and landed a powerful blow when he stomped your leg. That’s when it snapped. Nobody can understand how you were even able to stand after your leg was broken, and then you were shot too, and…” She stopped cleared her throat, wiped her eyes with the heels of her hands and then with fire in her eyes, she said, “Oh, yeah, I got shot?” Then in a louder voice, “Are you fucking kidding me! Why the hell, did you go in there by yourself, Mister oh, yeah, I got shot!”

   I opened my mouth to answer, but…

   “Debbie, Debra! We discussed this didn’t we?” I looked at the entrance of the bedroom and Gilly Packer was standing there with her arms crossed and tapping her foot. “You, are a warrior also, you live and work within a warrior culture; I know you understand the whole mindset, so let’s give it a rest, okay?”

   Debra spun in a circle while she pulled her hair and then stormed out of the room as she shouted, “Gahh!” I heard the front door open and then slam shut.

   “I guess I really put my foot in it, didn’t I?”

   She chuckled, “To say the least? Yes.” She pulled a chair over and sat, then reached out and poured a cup of water, which she offered to me. “In all seriousness, how are you feeling?”

   “A lot better than I did, and not as good as when I woke up.”

   “I can imagine. Jerry has removed her from duty until the two of you are better.”

   “Because she’s so upset?”

   “That’s part of it, and none of it. Jerry wants you healed up as soon as possible and having her here to help you is important to that healing process. With the number of people killed and injured in the firefight they needed the room at the clinic. He also recognizes that Debra needs some healing, she loves you so much and sees the fact you were injured as a personal affront. You promised her you would not get involved in the fighting and you did. Not by choice mind you, but you did, none-the-less. However, going into that room by yourself, that was a major mistake on your part. You willingly went against her wishes and broke your promise to her and as a result, you were almost killed.”

   “There was a reason I did that,” I said.

   “Was it a good reason? A reason she can accept?”

   “I thought I could save lives, I thought I could save those two women and I thought I might even come out of it unscathed.”

   “Might come out unscathed? Hmm, I’d not sure I would say, might. Maybe you believed you would?”

   I smiled, “Good point to bring up, I wish I could have had a little motherly wisdom when I was young.”

   “I am curious, why did you think you could pull it off?”

   “It was something the Major told me…”

   “Oh, Lord, please don’t tell Debra that.”

   I laughed and said, “I won’t.” I shifted my left shoulder as a feeling of pressure intensified, she stood and leaning over me, pulled my shoulder forward and then adjusted a small pillow that had slipped too low and was pressing against the wound. “Thank you, that was getting a little uncomfortable. The Major recognized that I was struggling with what Becker did to me and he was trying to help me understand why Becker went crazy at the end. It was because he realized he had lost. That he hadn’t beaten me mentally, psychologically. He flipped out because seeing his victims beg and plead was what he craved. I wouldn’t do it. When I went in, I had purposely antagonized him to the point he lost it again, at least I thought he had. I figured he would be so busy beating Nadia, that I would have a clear shot, but he was waiting for me with his weapon already aimed. I walked right into it.”

   “But you still managed to shoot him as well.”

   “Yes, Ma’am.”

   “Gilly, please? Explain that to Debra, use more detail, language you may have used, but won’t with me. Draw a picture for her, so she can understand what you were thinking and why. She’s lost right now, her world as she sees it was almost ripped away, she needs stability, and you are that stability, she needs you.”

   “Thank you, Gilly.”

    “Okay, she’ll be back very quickly, she never stays gone very long, and I need to get home. Follow her directions and I’ll stop in once in a while and see how you are, okay?”

   “Yes, Ma’am, and thank you again.”

   I laid in bed for maybe five minutes and decided I would wait in the living room. I checked the IV bottle and it was completely empty, so I removed the needle and wiped down the back of my hand with an alcohol wipe from the nightstand next to the bed. I was able to get somewhat turned, but the damn cast was going to suck big time and there was no cane anywhere. Hell, the cane probably wouldn’t be much help anyway. More than likely, I would need crutches.

   “What are you doing?” She was leaning against the door frame and I hadn’t noticed before she wasn’t wearing a uniform which was her normal attire. Instead, she had a pair of very snug jeans on and small, low topped deck shoes. The blouse she was wearing was thin and almost transparent. It was a complete change from the way she normally dressed. In addition, she normally braided her thick, long, curly hair, but today it was loose and almost wild in appearance. I loved it when she wore her hair down and loose.

   “Uh…”

   “You know, every time you say, ‘uh’, I know you’re up to no good.”

   “Oh…”

   “And every time you say, ‘Oh’…”

   “Debra?”

   “Sorry, I was just trying to lightened the mood a bit after storming out of here like a petulant child.”

   “You lighten my mood just leaning on that door frame.” She ducked her head in embarrassment, but I could see her looking at me through the long, loose, curly tresses that were framing her face. “God, you’re beautiful.”

   She stood up straight and slowly meandered around the bed until she was standing beside me very close, her hands folded over each other at the level of her lower belly, looking down at me through her tresses. “Do you really think so?” She softly asked.

   “Oh… my…god, you are teasing me! You are teasing a guy that’s all screwed up and can’t do anything about it! You vixen!”

   “Maybe you can’t do anything, but I bet I could do something, for both of us?”

   Frankly, I had my doubts, I was still in a lot of pain even though I had a suspicion there may have been something added to the IV that helped in that regard, but she proved me wrong.

   Afterwards, she provided me with a pair of crutches, but I could only use one, using the second next to the wound in my upper side pulled on it too much. She assisted me, against her own judgement, to get off the bed and into the living room. Just before I hobbled out, she said, “Oh, yeah, I almost forgot.”

   “What?”

   “The Major sent you a surprise.”

  She skipped ahead of me and as I rounded the corner and into the living room, she struck a pose like a showroom model and swung her arms out towards a chair. I recognized it immediately, “That’s the chair I sat in at Marlow’s!”

   “Yes, it is!” There was also a matching foot rest.

   “Oh, wow, how did you…”

   She laughed, “Packer overheard your comments about how comfortable the chair was and decided the Marlows didn’t need it any longer. There’s no room for it in the holding cells they now occupy. So, he sent some of the guys down and they ‘requisitioned’ it for our use, well for your use. When they got there to pick it up, the three members of the,” She held her hands up and mimed making quotation marks, “Final Authority, were there arguing over who should be allowed to claim the residence and its contents. The guys walked in and started removing the chair and footrest and they, the F.A., demanded they stop looting the ‘Official Residence’ of the government.” She rolled her eyes, “Talk about delusions of grandeur, anyway, our guys went ahead and ‘requisitioned’ the furniture and then brought it here, for you. What do you think?”

   I don’t know, maybe it was a reaction to my injuries, maybe the drugs I suspected I had been given, maybe I’m just a mushy kind of person, but I choked up and my eyes started to water, “Why? Why would the Major do this for me, I’m not special in any way, I mean, look at me. I can’t even go to work and screw fricking pipe. I’m basically a drain on everyone around me. I can’t even take care of you, I can’t take care of me, or even make love to you. I’m not a well-trained soldier, I’m not, I’m not…the only thing I am, is useless.”

   She kicked the foot rest out of the way and said, “Sit down, Honey, you’re starting to shake.” I managed to get turned around and she helped me get positioned while she held my leg in the cast, up. Then she pulled the foot rest back and lowered the leg onto it. “Is that good?”

   “Thank you.” Damn that chair felt good. “This thing even smells good,” I said.

   “Yeah, one of the F.A. said it was genuine Corinthian Leather, like maybe it was too good for anyone, but one of them.”

   “I haven’t met any of them, they sound like they’re probably as useless as I am.”

   “Stop it, you’re just depressed and in pain, so I think we need to talk a bit.” She went to the kitchen and brought back a chair that she sat down in, facing me. “You think you’re not special, but you are and not just to me, but everyone around you. The things you have done, that no one else could have done…”

   “Anyone can do what I do…”

   “I said stop it, it’s my turn to talk and for you to listen.” The determination in her voice shut me up. “Everything we know, everything we have found out, about what is destroying everything around us, was found by you. You made the connections no one else knew how to do.” I started to object, but she held her hand up and cocked her head to the side in disapproval. “Sure, lots of people know how to read information and write notes, but very few have the intelligence, or intuition, or whatever it is you have, to make the leaps in logic you have done, and then provide the evidence to support your conclusions. You seem to know what to look for and where to look, you know how to draw the connections that take mundane, every day shit, and weave it into a tapestry that makes sense. That is only one of the reasons you are special and we need you. By-the-way, let me know when you want your computer and I’ll get something set up so you can work out of your chair, okay?”

   I nodded.

   “You think you’re not a good soldier? Bellows and Danni both, have told me you were outstanding when they were training you for the Auxiliary and both of them wanted you to be a squad leader, but the Major said he needed you elsewhere. They said if you had been in the regular military like we were, and received the necessary training, you probably would have gravitated towards a career in Special Operations. That’s how good they think you could have been. Are you a Special Forces Operator? No, of course not, but you could be if you dedicated yourself to it. Major Packer has already said he wants to start a more extensive training program for personnel he wants to add to External, and he’d like for you to be in the first class.” Then with a little exasperation, “If you’d stop doing shit to screw yourself up.” She took a deep breath and slowly released it. “I’ll get to that in a minute,” she paused and said, “No, let’s get to that now, so I can stop getting angry with you every time it pops into my head.”

   “Uh, alright, I guess.”

   “Okay, I’ve gotten past the fire fight thing where Wilson and his friend were wounded, but…”

   “Wait, I keep wanting to find out, but other stuff keeps getting in the way, how are they?”

   She nodded, and then said, “I saw Melissa at the clinic and asked her how Mark was doing. She says Doctor Horne was very pleased with his condition and was very optimistic about his future physical well-being. The artery in his leg was clipped, but was easily repaired and he’s already home. The other guy, I think she called him, Smitty? He’s already back on duty. His was just a flesh wound.”

   “Good, that’s what I was hoping to hear.”

   “And that’s another example of your capabilities, she told me Mark spoke highly of your professionalism when treating his wound and you probably saved his life. I guess he figured he was going into shock and you finished for him. Then, bum leg and all, you went hunting, yeah, he thinks highly of you.”

   I nodded.

   “You can brag a little if you want, you earned the right by saving the life of a battle buddy in combat, and then taking the fight to the enemy.”

   I kept looking at her, so she knew she had my undivided attention. Finally, she just sighed and shook her head. “God, I’m glad you don’t have the other attributes of a saint.”

   “What?”

   “Saints, you know, people that didn’t have sex because they were so, uh, so, you know, saintly.”

   I chuckled and said, “Actually, the saints weren’t always so, saintly. Take for instance, Saint…”

   “Daniel?” She had that frown that comes before the storm.

   I stopped, “Oh, mansplaining, sorry.”

   “Yeah, but it’s a topic I think I might like to explore another time. Back to the important topic for the moment. What, were, you, thinking, when you left me, and everyone else, behind and went into that safe room by yourself? Because I really want to know what was so important, that you felt the need to break a promise you knew was so important to me? Daniel, I trusted you to keep your promise!”

   “I know, Debra, and I didn’t do it without realizing I was breaking that promise. I didn’t want to, but I didn’t see any other way to keep you and the others safe.”

   She stared at me for a few seconds, and then said, “Explain.”

   “That, tunnel, there was no cover, nowhere to hide, for a group of people to try and assault down that was, it was…”

   “A fatal funnel,” she said. “I figured that was what we faced, I told Packer, he told everyone else and asked for volunteers. Every single person there volunteered.”

   “Of course, they did, and I didn’t want you and the other people I care about to put yourselves in that situation. I mean, even the elevator, we could only get, what, five, maybe six fully armed and geared up people in it, and when the doors opened, if he was there with an automatic weapon on the other side…it could have been a slaughter.”

   “We had body armor; you didn’t.”

   “So did Mark Wilson, but if I hadn’t been there to apply the tourniquet to his leg, he would have bled out, right there, right then.”

   She nodded in agreement, but then said, “He could have been there when you opened the elevator doors and shot you then.”

   “What good is a safe room if you don’t know what’s outside? If you don’t know when it’s okay to come out? I figured, correctly by-the-way, that the elevator car and the tunnel were monitored and he would know who was coming.”

   “Exactly, he already tried to kill you once, you didn’t think he would try and kill you again?”

   “Of course, I did, but I also knew, from personal experience, that he’s a braggart, a talker, he wants to mentally and verbally intimidate and beat his victims, that was how he gained satisfaction from his violent acts. I also realized that he had a major weakness, one I discovered the first time…”

   “You mean the first time he almost killed you, and would have killed you, if Dan and Danni hadn’t got there first.”

   “Whose telling this, me, or you?”

   “Go on, then.”

   “The first time he tried, he became angry because I wouldn’t beg, I wouldn’t plead for mercy, or my life. He totally lost it when I told him, when I got out of that chair, I was going to shove his head up his boney ass.”

   She chuckled, “Is that what you told him?”

   “Yeah, and then when he started really laying into me, I told him he needed to get a man in there to finish the job his little bitch ass wasn’t up for. That’s when he completely flipped out.”

   “I want to laugh, because it sounds like he had some real manhood issues, but Daniel, why would you even say something like that to the guy trying to beat you to death?”

   “That interaction was only important to establish why I said what I did in the tunnel. I attacked his manhood by taking a shot at the possible relationship he had with his father.”

   She looked quizzical and said, “What? His father? I mean, you don’t even know his father.”

   “No, I don’t, but I’ve known kids in foster homes that were the same way as Becker. Their fathers had very little or nothing to do with them and they would do anything that said, ‘Dad, look at me, I’m just like you.’ They wanted their father’s approval so bad, and I suspected Becker might be the same way. Remember what Mary Marlow said in the elevator? Becker’s father was worse than Becker? He was trying to live up to his father’s expectations. There’s a good chance his father probably degraded him in an attempt to toughen him up, but Becker probably figured he could never live up to what his father wanted, even though he tried. His father had already turned away from him.”

   ‘Daniel, that’s an awful lot of psychological analysis for a short elevator ride.”

   “Yes, it was, but it was also based on eighteen years of observation in foster homes. Was I wrong? I don’t know, but he’s dead, and I’m not. I not going to say I’m sorry for what I did. I broke my promise to you, Debra, but it was for good intentions. It was not because your desires didn’t mean anything, it wasn’t because you didn’t matter, it was because you do matter, because I could not, and will not, put you in danger, not if there’s a chance I can end that danger myself.”

   She took my hand and pressed the back of it firmly to her forehead and spoke brokenly as she started to cry, “A lot of people have shit on me over the years; I’ve come to kind of expect it I guess, but I truly believed you would never lie to me. And then you did, and I reacted the way I always have, I got angry, but now, now that I see why you did it, the lie only means you love me more than I knew. No one has ever loved me the way you do, and I want you to know, no one will ever love you, the way I do.”

   “I like the sound of that,” I said. “In fact, maybe we could work that into our wedding vows, what do you think?”

   She smiled, “It does sound kind of nice doesn’t it? Maybe we could write all of our vows, that would be fun, and exciting, and maybe kind of sexy too.” She thought for a moment and said, “Well, maybe no sex, I wouldn’t want to embarrass Gilly.”

   I laughed and then groaned.

   “What is it? Do you need something?”

   “Baby, I think you’re going to be hearing sounds like that out of me for some time to come.”

   “Do you still feel like telling me more? I mean about what happened before the rest of us got there?”

   “I don’t think there is much more to tell, Babe.”

   “Come on, Honey, everybody keeps asking me, what about this, what about that? Come on, give me some juicy stuff to share.”

   “You are so, blood thirsty.”

   “Am not. Come on, spill it!”

   I smiled, not to her, but inside, “Okay, I stepped out of the elevator and studied the rock lined hall in front of me. I was contemplating which of my weapons I would use to end his worthless life, the knife you gave me?” Debra shook her head. “No, I might need to cover too much space and it would give him a chance to harm the women before I could reach him and cut his throat. The pistol? No, I was good with it, but could I trust my aim if he used one of the women as a shield, especially in my weakened and injured state? No, the obvious choice was my carbine, I switched on the laser.” Debra nodded her head in agreement. “Reaching into my pocket, I withdrew a brown cigarillo, lit it and after a long, satisfying drag and exhalation,” She frowned at me, “I started down the tunnel whistling the theme song, of ‘The good, the bad, and the ugly,’…”

   She slapped the back of my hand, probably the only place she figured was safe, “You, asshole! You insufferable asshole!” I started laughing as she gave me, the look, “Dan…?” Oops.

   “Okay, okay, this is what happened, really, straight up,” she frowned, but at least some of the fire faded from her eyes. “I got to where the tunnel doglegged into the room, but I still couldn’t see inside of it. I figured he was watching me on a security feed, but I was surprised when I heard his voice coming out of a speaker somewhere. He said he thought it was me in the elevator, but then he was sure. He wondered if I could imagine his disappointment to discover I wasn’t dead, I remember that. I said something like yeah, I did understand the disappointment, but I could imagine some joy coming when I watched the life fade out of eyes. He started getting angry and said he was in control and he would kill Nadia and Stacy if he wanted. Then I heard him hit who I later discovered was Nadia. I told him there was no way he was walking out of there, and if it required another death to ensure he never did it again, okay. At that point, I placed the carbine in a low ready and switched on the laser you gave me. When I was ready, I said something like, I was going to cut off his head, shit in his mouth and ship it to his father on Vatertag.”

   “What’s that, vater, vate, whatever you said?”

   “Va-ter-tag, it’s German for Father’s Day.”

   “Oh, okay, and then?”

   “I asked if he thought his dad would be sad, happy, or indifferent and just continue business as normal. I said joy might be the result. That was when he started screaming and I could hear the hose hitting someone, so I ran in with carbine up and ready to fire. Unfortunately, I misjudged him, he was hitting Nadia with his left hand and pointing a handgun at me. He fired, and I fired, I thought he hit me, but not bad, my round tore the shit out of his hand, forearm and elbow. From there, you pretty much know what happened.

   “Wow,” she said.

   “One other thing,” I said. “The guy I invited to ride with us on the elevator?”

   She seemed to tense up a bit, but not as much as I thought she might. “Yes.”

   “He showed up at the end; he said I didn’t need him anymore, that everything that just happened was me, not him. Debra, I think he’s gone.”

   She was quiet for a moment and then said, “Is that good, bad, or a nothing?”

   “To be honest, I’m not sure, he could be really helpful sometimes.”

   “Well, it doesn’t really matter does it?” Then she smiled and said, “You said you were hungry, what would like?”

 

Chapter 13

    Having a broken leg sucks. Wearing a cast sucks. The smell that wafts up on occasion sucks, really sucks. And the fricking thing itches constantly! Which fricking sucks! I guess you could say, the suckage, sucks. The wound in my side is almost healed. At one point, Horne had to insert drainage tubes, so some pockets of infection could be drained away. Early on in the healing process, I tried to get Debra to hold a mirror behind me so I could see what it looked like, but she said I didn’t need to see it and it was gross, anyway. When Horne inserted the drainage tubes, Mary Cho did it for me. Debra was right, I didn’t need to see it and, yeah, it was gross. I’m not going to tell her that though. I visit a physical therapist three times a week, and Debra helps me with stretching exercises and massages on my off days. I think that bullet wound is going to be a problem in the future.

   Debra won’t even discuss what the wound looked like when it was fresh, but once, while Dan, Danni, Dak and Felicia were visiting, I got some of the story. Dan and Danni agreed that when they saw the wound, they were freaked about it and Dan swears two of the ribs were actually visible.  To tell the truth, I’m glad I didn’t see that.

   Nadia Tooles did indeed join the Auxiliary and she has been a major recruiter for it since enlisting. Having enough weapons for all the recruits was problematic at first, even with the weapons we captured from Marlow’s entourage, but Eugene Henderson in the Machine Shop came up with an answer for that. He designed a fairly crude weapon that Major Packer says looks and operates like the old M3 sub-machine-gun, but it isn’t full auto. The old M3 was chambered for .45acp caliber, but the ones Henderson makes are chambered for nine-millimeter and utilize the Glock nine-millimeter magazines. He has gotten set up and says he’s working on developing knock-offs of the Glock magazines and a piston driven upper for the ARs we have, he says they will operate cleaner and more reliably. That’s always good. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have enough of the proper types of steel and aluminum for the parts needed. Packer wants to send EXSEC out to locate and gather what the shops need, but the F.A. keeps stopping things up. Another thing Henderson has done is ask me to allow him to take measurements off of my bullpup. The original stock the weapon came with was a polymer and we have no way duplicating it here at the facility, but he believes he might be able to replace the polymer stock and the machined aluminum stock with a sheet metal one. It could be an interesting project.

   The Major informed the F.A. that they needed to start developing plans for free elections, so we can return to official Constitutional government. You can guess how they feel about that. Their official line is the Constitution is an outdated document and needs to be replaced to meet the needs we have today. They wrote up some examples of new constitutions and submitted them for approval by the full Board of Directors, each one was voted on and accepted, but then Major Packer vetoed the institution of the programs. He brings their proposals to me and we go over them. One of them actually looked pretty promising, until we delved into it and then examined the possibilities for abuse. Believe it or not, what they were proposing was really nothing more than a form of feudal socialism; they said it would ensure the ‘workers’ got what they needed and elite leadership got marginally more. Yeah, their idea of marginally more was a lot more than marginal.

   During the period of time my leg was healing, there were two separate attempts to remove the military advisor from the board. One was an attempt to form a constabulary as a law enforcement entity at the beck and call of the Board, and that essentially meant it was going to be a militant political group intended to suppress political opposition. That was a no-go. The second was an armed uprising among the Board’s supporters who attempted their revolution while a good portion of External Security was gone on a salvaging run. Packer had sent a squad to Silver City, a squad to Lordsburg, and a third to Deming. The Board figured it was a good time for the revolt with 75% of EXSEC gone. They didn’t take into account the Auxiliary. I truly believe they thought the ‘people’ would rise up and support them. Unfortunately, there were some members of the Auxiliary that joined forces with the ‘revolutionary army’ and were problematic at the beginning, I even made my way to my front door and sat there while I shot at people wearing those red armbands again.

   Debra was fit to be tied when she got home and found out what had happened and she was left out of the action because she was ‘shopping.’ The best result? Packer disbanded the Board of Directors and the Final Authority, plus, we thinned the population a little more. Packer said that was what the people who wanted fewer people around wanted anyway. Somehow, just like always, they seemed to think they were exempt from culling. It’s become an accepted fact; the flu viruses were probably purposely released. What I don’t understand is the willingness of some people to say, “Well, I don’t like what happened, or how they did it, but maybe it was needed anyway.” Pretty easy to say when you are one of the survivors.

   I spent a great deal of time doing research in the Library. It appears the internet is finally gone after coming and going for an extended time. I really miss its convenience. Debra thinks we should find a way to restart it. No, she’s not stupid, it was a moment of wishful thinking. Hell, I’ve thought the same thing myself. Then I discovered a little tidbit by accident, and from an unlikely source, Sara Gupta. Yeah, she’s still around and causing trouble.

   I was in the cafeteria one morning because they were having ham, gravy, and fried instant mashed potatoes; we don’t get fresh potatoes any more. Debra and I both have actually made it ourselves at our apartment, I really like it for some odd reason. Anyway, Debra was on a night of extended duty and I drove the cart we have to the cafeteria because the afternoon before, Doctor Horne removed my cast. I was finally free from it. I was still using the cane because the leg was so weak and seemed to have a tendency to give out on occasion. I was walking to a table with my tray balanced on one hand and the other holding my cane, when a woman stood up and almost upended the tray. Together, we managed to avoid a catastrophe with my breakfast tray, but not with the papers she was also juggling. I sat my tray down and then helped her to gather the sheets from the floor. Something jumped out from the first sheet I picked up; Sara Gupta’s name.

   I handed the paper to the woman, and then picked up another, there was a notation at the top indicating it was from the office of Sara Gupta. I handed that one over and picked up the next, there was a citation at the bottom of the page listing the web site the information was taken from. I was able to gather a little more information from each page as I passed them over. I handed over that one and when I looked at the next, it had the day it was printed out from the website in question, the day before. Son-of-a-bitch. Someone had internet access and wasn’t sharing.

   I finished my meal, and then headed for the EXSEC Bunker. When I arrived, Packer seemed genuinely happy to see me, but I got straight to the point, “Major, are you aware of anyone talking about using the internet?”

   “No, I’m not, but I thought it finally shutdown with no one maintaining it.”

   I explained what happened in the cafeteria. “How does Gupta download anything from the internet, when the internet is down?”

   “You’re asking the wrong guy, but I’ll ask Gilly and there’s a couple of others I can touch bases with. Now I have a question for you.”

   “Yes, Sir?”

   “Now that I’ve disbanded the BOD, I can finally get moving on some projects they kept nixing. Are you up for doing a construction survey for me?”

   “Yes, Sir, of course, but remember, I’m not a General contractor, I’m a Sprinklerfitter.”

   “Yes, I know, it was Morgan from Facilities that said he wanted you to take a run through with the intent of changing the Worker Barracks to Family living space for EXSEC and possibly other new families, with sprinkler supply in mind.”

   “Oh, okay, I’ll get right on it. I was going to give the cart back you allowed Debra and I to use while my leg was in the cast, but can I keep it for a few days while I run back and forth?” I pointed to the leg and added, “It atrophied significantly and it’s weaker than I like.”

   “Is Doc Horne going to get you set up with physical therapy?”

   “Yes, Sir, he already has.”

   “Go ahead and keep it for now, but I may need it on occasion. If so, I’ll try to give you advance warning.”

   “Thank you, Sir. One other thing, then I’ll get out from under foot, why is Gupta still running the Genetics Lab?”

   “The Board of Directors wanted her there, but that’s going to change post haste. We have enough circumstantial evidence to file charges against her and frankly, she deserves some suckage.”

   “The Biochemistry Lab? What about them? Are you going after them also?”

   “Yes, we are. They seem too closely connected to everything that went down.”

   “Good, let’s spread the suckage, Major.”

   Packer laughed and asked, “Feeling a little more retributive now that you can get around?”

   “Yeah, yes, Sir, I am, but it’s nothing new.”

   “Good, that means you’re starting to get back with the program. Now, get out of here, running this place is sucking up the free time I didn’t have before.”

   “Better you than me, Sir.” I left and visited Morgan at Facilities, then over to the old worker barracks. Because of the way the Facility had originally been designed, there were always areas of unused space. Each level had an elevation of twenty feet and that left a lot of room above almost all of the offices, work areas, and residential housing. From about twelve feet up, it was a maze of ducting, piping and electrical conduits. When I was working on the original Phase Six, I found it perplexing there was so much wasted space. That wasted space was coming home to roost.

   When we were originally installing the fire sprinklers in Phase Six, I had the engineers leave supply for future use in areas I thought might be repurposed at some time in the future. Whoever installed the sprinklers in the Workers Barracks apparently didn’t have the same foresight. The purpose, an area is used for, determines how dense the layout of sprinklers will be, and since the Worker’s Barracks were essentially residential, the piping schedule was what we call, light hazard. We were considering changing the large wide-open spaces where the bunks had originally been into a series of family dwellings, essentially turning the areas into apartments with the addition of numerous walls and ceilings. Though the fire rating would still be light hazard, now you had new walls that required the sprinklers to be within a certain distance in order to provide coverage. New ceilings that would require additional heads be added below the ceilings while still having coverage above the ceilings in what now would become essentially attic space. In a nutshell, there was nowhere near enough supply for all the new heads needed. That meant we needed more pipe, more hanger material, more everything, and more everything we didn’t have. The pipe shop had nowhere near the supplies needed for the project they, and I, wanted when we first considered it. Could we simply install walls and no ceilings? Of course, but there would be no privacy. You would be able to hear your neighbor’s arguments, lovemaking, and on and on; human beings may be social creatures, but there’s a limit to our sociability. The way things are presently, I couldn’t see the project going forward without some major acquisitions of material by way of salvage.

   I returned to Facilities and spoke with Morgan, then paid a visit to the physical therapist to exercise my leg and stretch it out. She wanted me to bring Debra with me to our next appointment so she could show her how to help me with some additional exercises she wanted me to do; I said I would if Debra wasn’t on duty. On the way back to our apartment, I stopped off at the Exchange with the intent to get something for our dinner. Unfortunately, the pickings were really getting slim. I ended up picking up some freeze-dried chicken, potato cubes, frozen broccoli, dried onion, powdered cheese, powdered eggs, a loaf of bread, and a few bottles of seasonings. It had been a long time since I made a chicken and broccoli casserole, but I figured if I screwed it up, there was always the cafeteria.

   By then it was getting close to time to pick up Debra, I had the ingredients prepared and ready for the oven, so I put it in and then drove to the Bunker. There is a row of benches outside the entrance and that is where she was when I arrived, she must have finished up early. I parked and waited a moment, then got out and walked up to her as she gave me a faint smile.

   “Babe, you look beat, are you feeling okay?”

   “I think I’m just really tired and I can feel a headache coming on. Luckily, we have tomorrow off.” The only time she gets headaches is just before her menstrual cycle starts.

   I bent over and picked up her chest rig from where it rested next to her feet and said, “I’ve got this, go sit down and I’ll drive you home.”

   She did and after we arrived, I sent her to the shower while I checked the casserole. It was starting to bubble a little. She finally came out and I told her sit in my chair while I showered and then the last ingredients for the casserole could be added. When I came out from the shower, she was sitting, leaning forward and massaging her temples, yeah, this was probably going to be a bad one. I grabbed her a couple of Tylenol and a bottle of water which I handed her as I knelt beside the chair, “Here, take these,” I said.

   After swallowing the tablets, she said, “You’re the best, Hon.” Then she curled up in the chair and I thought I detected a slight shiver. I placed my hand on her forehead and yes, she was running a fever. “Can you get me something to cover up with?”

   I fetched a fresh sheet, shook it out and then draped it over her as she snuggled deeper into the chair. Within a few moments she was sound asleep. If this went the way it normally did, she would sleep for four or five hours and then wake up ready to take on the world and be totally normal. I pulled the casserole out, liberally coated the top with corn chips and a handful of jalapenos, then finished it with a thin cheese sauce poured over the chips. When it was browned, I would remove it from the oven and let it cool.

   I sat in the kitchen and rolled out some preliminary drawings the engineering office had prepared for converting the Barracks to a family residential area and started looking them over, but there was simply no way it was going to be done with what we had available in-house. I wondered how Packer was going to react when he was informed he was going to have to send his people out into a dangerous world for sheet rock. We would see.

   I removed the casserole and set it on the top of the stove, then I checked Debra’s forehead and it was definitely cooler. When I touched her, she softly moaned, “No,” so I let her sleep. I spooned some of the dish into a bowl and started to eat. Damn, this shit was good and Debra was sleeping through it. When I was done eating, I covered what was left and put it away in the refrigerator, then studied the sketches a little longer and finally went to bed.

 

   In a near dream state I reached for her beside me and instantly came fully awake when I realized she wasn’t there. After a moment of panic, I remembered she was sleeping in the chair outside, so I slipped out of bed and then froze as I heard her voice. Was someone here? I pulled on my pants and a tee shirt before picking up my cane and walking out of the bedroom.

   “Oh, my god, this tastes so good!” She was sitting at the small dining table and eating the casserole from the pan I cooked it in. I laughed as she looked up and smiled at me, “Did I wake you up? If I did, I’m sorry.”

   “No, you didn’t wake me up; but I guess you woke up hungry?”

   “Yeah, the headache and the cramps were gone. I looked in the fridge and saw this, so I pulled it out and took a taste with the fork. Wow, Honey, you’re definitely a keeper.”

   I pulled a plate from the cupboard and carved a small piece of the casserole from the pan. That was when I realized she was eating it cold. “Babe, you didn’t even heat it up.”

   “I just wanted to taste it, to see if I wanted to take the time to heat it, but it’s so good, I kept eating it! Did you make this yourself?”

   “Yeah, John Cameron and I used to make it every once in a while.” I smiled at her again and said, “It really is a lot better if you heat it up.”

   She sat her fork down and pushed the pan away, “Were you going to heat that for me, or yourself?” She asked as she indicated the portion I had put on the plate.

   “It’s for you, I was going to throw it in the microwave.”

   She picked up the plate and slid what I had taken out, back into the pan, “If we save it, there will be enough for dinner tomorrow.”

   I smiled and said, “You’re sure?”

   “Yeah, we’ll eat it together.”

   “Okay, are you ready for bed?”

   “No, I’m kind of wound up, if I wasn’t on my period…” She kind of smiled and then shrugged, “But I know how guys feel about that, so I guess I’ll see if I can find a recorded movie to watch, or something.”

   “You know how guys feel about, what?”

   “You know, sex, with a woman when she’s on her period. My dad always said even the idea was nasty and…”

   “Whoa!” I said. “Because your sperm donor, the guy that abused you and insulted you every chance he got, said men think it’s nasty, you think, I think, it’s nasty?” She stared at me and then I said, “Babe, the only reason I never brought it up when you were on your period was because you seemed put off from it.”

   “Well, it would probably, maybe, get kind of messy, you know?”

   “Yeah, probably, but we have a shower. You once told me you would never tell me no, and I told you the same thing. I didn’t say I would never say no, unless you were on your period.”

   She stood up from her chair, put the lid back over the casserole dish, and then put it back in the fridge. When she came back, she asked, “Can I sit on your lap? I mean how is your leg?”

   “It’s fine.”

   She eased down and slowly settled onto my lap, “Are you okay?”

   “Yes.”

   She kind of wiggled a little as she settled and then put her arm around my neck, “When we were separated, after the picture, the squad and I were at the rifle range one day and you walked by.”

   I nodded, “I remember.”

   “I pretended I didn’t see you, but I did. I watched you all the way to your truck and then I saw the black smoke from the exhaust. I wanted to run down there and tell you how much I missed you, that I wanted us to leave, the two of us, and go somewhere we could start again, but I didn’t, I was too proud, too stubborn.”

   “It’s okay,” I said.

   “No, it isn’t. That day, at the Child Care Center, when you and Danni came for me, After I shot those two people, and I knew I was going out, the last thing I remember thinking was, I should have told you I still loved you, that now you would never know.” She wiped at her eyes and then in frustration said, “God, I get so emotional when it’s this time of the month.”

   “It’s not a weakness, Babe.”

   “No, it’s not.” She seemed uncomfortable and finally said, “When that guy was choking you, the one I shot?” I nodded. “I was scared to death he would kill you and I wouldn’t be able to tell you how I felt.” I pulled her tight against me. “Then, when we were in the utility corridor? I wanted to tell you there, but I would see that picture in my mind and get so angry and lash out at you, but when I did it, I was trying not to, you know?”

   “You’re a proud woman, I don’t blame you, Babe, it’s one of the things I love about you.”

   “And then, you got mad and said things to me, and I knew I had screwed up, that I was losing you, but I couldn’t stop saying nasty things to you, and then you walked away and left me, you didn’t look back and I knew it was over and you wouldn’t forgive me.”

   “I was listening and when I heard you start to follow, I slowed down so you could keep up.”

   “You did?”

   “Your almost there, keep going.”

   “What?” I looked around for whoever had spoken. “Of course,” I said to Debra. “I might not have been able to keep my mouth shut, but there was no way I would leave you behind. Just because I was angry and saying…” I stopped. What was it? It was on the tip of my tongue, but…

   “Honey? I’ve seen that look before, what is it? What are you thinking?”

   “You were saying things you didn’t mean to say?”

   “Yeah, it was like I couldn’t stop myself.”

   “When you were taking birth control pills, you would get extremely angry all of a sudden and lash out at whoever was close to you.” I looked at her and asked, “When you were on them before, did you react so strongly?”

   “I would get pissed, but not so bad. I figured I had changed some and was just reacting different.”

   “After Packer and I were involved in the firefight, you were really short with me, but Packer had already explained it wasn’t my fault, right?”

   “Yes, he really dressed me down and then told me to stay close to you.”

   “Then, you saw the wound I had in the safe room, you really freaked out. That was totally unlike your normal self. You lost it and Packer threatened to throw you in the guardhouse.” She nodded again and turned away as if she was ashamed of the way she had acted. “Then, when I woke up, here, in our apartment, at first you were your normal self and then you got really angry with me, remember? It was like you were out of control, you even started pulling your own hair.”

   She nodded and glanced at me before turning away again, “I’m sorry, I was so upset, you were hurt so bad and I felt like, I don’t know, like you didn’t care that I was hurt, your promise…”

   “I know, really, I do.”

   “Sometimes, I feel really confused and I get angry so easy, but it goes away before I do anything I might regret.”

   “I know. Now, let’s talk about me.”

   “What? I mean, it was me, it’s been my fault all along, everything.”

   “No, it hasn’t,” I said.

   “You got it, good boy.”

   “But…”

   “The other guy, me, I mean the other me, do you know when he showed up the first time? When he spoke to me, like he used to when we were kids?”

   “No.”

   “It was in Packer’s office, after I broke down and you came in to comfort me, remember?”

   “Yes,” she was no longer looking away, she was holding my eyes with her own.

   “His first words to me were, ‘don’t fuck this up.’ He was referring to you.”

   “Oh.”

   “The next time was in the room where we spent our first night back together, and then off and on from thereafter until inside the safe room when he told me I didn’t need him anymore.”

   She was still looking at me, but with a blank expression.

   “I’ve had episodes of making bad decisions on the spur of the moment because I was angry, emotional outbursts like in Packer’s office. The nasty things I said to you in the tunnel when I had flashes of anger, everything, all the way up to how I baited Becker when he had me, and finally, the way I killed him in a fit of rage. All the things we did that hurt each other, everything happened after, that woman hit you in the face with the lamp, and that guy tried to strangle me. Do you see it?”

   She kept staring at me and I could see the wheels turning in her head, and then it happened, her eyebrows raised and her mouth formed an ‘O’.

   “Yeah, we were contaminated with that shit that caused people to attack others,” I said. “And we are still suffering the after-effects.”

   “About time you figured it out.”