ASYLUM: Chapter 10

Chapter 10

   I exited the audio file and sat there a moment thinking about what I had just heard. Then I thought about my trip to Ortiz’s lab and looking at the attic space for the room. Felicia’s pneumatic tubes were not connected, but the other two were connected to each other. There were people who were being contaminated, or infected, even though the contaminant had been cleaned and the labs were back in use after being tested. I had given each lab a close examination of the areas where I thought the tubes entered each lab, but they were not readily noticeable. Both labs had shelving and cabinets that went up to the ceiling, could the pneumatic tubes be inside of a cupboard? That would mean they had purposely been installed in a manner to hide them and their use.

   I clicked on the video file and started watching it again, but instead of watching the development of the accident, I watched the area where I thought the tube would be. There was a man in the obligatory whitecoat who was standing next to an open cabinet that extended from the ceiling to the countertop. He was manipulating something, then stepped away and around the cupboard door in order to input some information on a keyboard. He reached to a printer, ripped off a portion of a sheet of paper and then back to the open cupboard. Before he blocked the view again, you could make out the open slider door of a pneumatic tube. He pressed the actuation button and that is when he was struck by the bluish cloud from the broken container. He fell against the cupboard door closing it, but for a split second, you could see the door of the tube closing as it was enveloped in a bluish haze. All I could think was, “Oh, shit.” Every time a message or item was sent through the tube, it was depositing a small amount of the contaminant on the hands of whoever used the tube on both ends. That was the way people were still being contaminated. A god damned pneumatic tube that wasn’t even supposed to be there in the first place.

   I closed the computer, dropped it into a messenger bag and started out the door, headed for Packer’s office. Then I stopped, returned and gathered my pistol and mags; this was bad, very bad.

   I was walking so fast, I was almost running and I kept forcing myself to slow down, so I would seem normal. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself, but it was too late, a cart with a single individual pulled next to me and a voice with a German accent spoke, “Daniel Smith, am I right?”

   Major Becker.

   I smiled and said, “Yes, I’m surprised you would remember the name of a lesser employee of Global; I feel kind of special.”

  The fake smile he was wearing slipped a little and then, “Yes, an unfortunate choice of words, considering I was speaking to an American.”

   I returned his smile and I wondered if mine looked as fake as his.

   “You seem to be in a hurry, can I assist you with a ride? Perhaps allow me to correct my unintentional slip of the tongue previously?”

   “No thanks, I’m just going to meet my fiancée. She should be off work shortly and I don’t want her to walk home alone.”

   “Surely, you are joking, this facility is one of the safest places to be, in America.” He gave me a lopsided, crooked grin. He really shouldn’t do that, the grin I mean, it made his pencil thin mustache look like a worm crawling over his lip.

   “We recently had a, shall I say, unfortunate incident here. Perhaps you are aware of the circumstances?” He was keeping pace as he drove beside me. “As the new head of Internal Security, I’m reasonably certain you were briefed. Am I right?”

   “Yes, most unfortunate, but that is behind us now, yes?”

   “Apparently, may I congratulate you on your adequate English? I’m having no difficulty what-so-ever understanding you.”

   He smiled again, “Thank you, I spent many years learning your language, may I ask what languages you are conversant in?”

   “Just one, English, I’ve never had a pressing need to learn another. Anything that can be found in the rest of the world can be found here.”

   “I love to travel, to meet new people, to learn their ways. Besides, you might find the Alps interesting.”

    I remembered an old saying that John Cameron told me once, travel the world, meet new people, and kill them. Something from the anti-war people of the Vietnam era. “You forget,” I said. “America is the melting pot of the world. I can experience almost every culture you can think of right here. The Alps? We have the Rockies, the Appalachians, Mount McKinley, Shasta, the list goes on.”

   “Ah, but a cruise on the Rhine is spectacular.”

   “Well, we don’t have the Rhine, but we have the Missouri, the Sacramento, the Colorado, the Mississippi, on and on. You like beaches?” I asked. “East coast, Atlantic Ocean; West Coast, Pacific Ocean; Southeast coast, Gulf of Mexico; and let’s not forget the U.S. Virgin Islands, Florida or Hawaii. If you’re looking for a spectacular cruise, I can recommend the Inland Passage, now that’s spectacular. Just curious because I don’t know, do you have Killer Whales in the Rhine?”

   “I seem to have enflamed that famous American exceptionalism. I assure you; it was not my intent to start a competition.” He was looking a little peeved and his words didn’t match his expression.

   “A competition?” I laughed, “Not even close. Well,” I said as I reached the end of the tunnel and stepped out into the cool, night air, “I have arrived. Let me know when you’re ready for that little sit-down meeting so, we, can get to know one another, okay, Chief? Have a good one.” I turned and started walking towards the front of EXSEC Bunker as he made a wide turn and headed towards the Bunker himself where he parked and then walked in. I didn’t watch him while he drove away; I didn’t want to give him the idea I found him important.

   3d Squad was loitering around the entrance of The Bunker and I picked out Debra easily. I walked up behind her and rested my hands on her shoulders causing her to turn and look up at me, “Hey, I see you guys finally got back.”

   “Yeah, a few minutes ago.” She seemed somber.

   “Everything okay?” I asked.

   “Fire fight. Sargent Banner and I were on point, he’s our tracker and I was his security. Three guys in a Ford truck were parked at the place the tracks met the highway. When Banner and I walked out of the woods, they opened fire on us. We took cover and returned fire, I guess they thought there was only the two of us. I got one, Banner got one, and then the rest of the squad moved up and opened fire. The third guy tried to run, but he didn’t get far.”

   I looked her over quickly and then said, “You’re okay though?”

   “Yeah, I’m fine, we all are.”

   “Good, were you able to find out who they were, why they were watching us?”

   “No.”

   “Shit, well, if they fired at you, I think we can safely say they were up to no good.”

   “Can we?” She asked. “The last one to go down was just a kid, maybe fifteen, or sixteen-years-old.”

   “Oh.” I looked around and everyone seemed to have the same demeanor as Debra. “So, what’s going on?”

    “The Ell Tee is on an outside line trying to contact local law enforcement to notify them. It seems to be taking a while. We may have to secure the site until they show up.”

   “Is someone there now?” I asked.

   “Yeah, we notified the Lieutenant after the exchange of gunfire and he sent three guys from 2nd Squad down so he could pull us back. It’s a little more complicated though.”

   “Why?”

   “There was the body of a young woman in the bed of the truck. It looked like she had been beaten to death.” I was beginning to see why she was upset. “It looked like maybe they saved her after they killed her and…”

   “And, what?” I asked.

   One of the other guys who were listening said, “We kind of think, so they could use her some more, you know?”

   I shuddered and then took a close look at Debra; she was looking pale. “You need to sit down.” I said. She shook her head and started to pull away, but I held on to her, “I mean it, Babe, you need to get off your feet.” I looked around and basically, all of them looked shaken. I led her to the wall and left her there as I went into the Ready Room and grabbed three folding chairs under each arm. After bringing them out, I passed them out and went for four more. As I was gathering them Gillian Packer walked into the room with a large carafe and a tray of blue enameled cups.

   “Oh, good, Daniel, you can help. Are those chairs for everyone outside?”

   “Yes.”

   “Come on, I have some very sweet hot chocolate for everyone. The sugar will get them more in tune with their selves.” She led the way and I got the chairs organized. I basically forced Debra to sit and Mrs. Packer got the first sip into her. Shortly they were all sitting and sipping the hot chocolate.

   I have to admit, to see so many of the External Security people, who were all experienced combat veterans in their current emotional state, was perplexing. I had assumed they would handle the situation better, perhaps at least be a little more emotionally distant. After I had shot the people I did, I had an extended period of time when I was remorseful and kept questioning my actions. Then add in the fact I had no one to talk to about it, at the time, and anyone could understand why it took me a while to work through it. Perhaps I didn’t understand what was happening, but I intended to find out.

   Kneeling next to Debra, I asked her in a low tone, “Babe, what’s going on? Why does everyone seem so, I don’t know, out of sorts?”

   She looked at me for a moment and then sighed, “It’s never easy, Daniel, to kill someone; you know that. You need to be suspicious of anyone who isn’t affected by it to some degree. I think for me, it’s finally being exposed to what is happening around us. I don’t mean here, at the facility, I mean here as in home, our country. We’ve all been overseas, we’ve all been in combat of one form or another, but here, home, America, was our anchor. A place of normalcy, now though, it’s looking more like the places where we fought; I’m scared.”

   “Debra, you are well-trained, you’re really good at what you do, the people you work with are all the same as you, and all of you look out for each other…”

   “That’s not what has me scared, Daniel. I’m not afraid of what might happen to me, or you, or the people I work with; I’m scared for our children. I’ve been over there, I’ve seen what can happen to kids on a daily basis and I don’t want it to happen here, to our kids.” She began to cry. My stomach tied in knots as what she said struck home, our children could end up like the ones I had seen on TV in the Middle-East, Africa, hell, anywhere people fought. Children always seemed to pay the price. I wrapped her with my arms and glanced at the man who was sitting a few feet away as he sipped his chocolate and our eyes met; he nodded his head in agreement with Debra and then looked away.

   “Listen,” I said to her. “You’re done here, why don’t I take you home and you can have a nice hot shower, and relax. I’ll run over to the cafeteria and see what I can scrounge up for dinner.”

   She straightened up and wiped her cheeks, then gave me a brief smile, “Sounds good, but I can’t leave yet. The Ell Tee wants us wait and see what is going on in case local law enforcement wants to interview us immediately, or not.”

   “Oh, of course. I’m going to get me a chair and sit out here with you, I’ll be right back.” Rising quickly, I returned to the Ready Room for another chair, but as I entered, I saw Packer and Becker standing outside of Packer’s open door.

   “You will do as you are ordered, Lieutenant, and nothing more, do you understand?” Becker was obviously feeling his oats.

   “We are not some third world shithole, Major Becker, and I, as the CO of External Security, am not under your authority. A crime has been committed and it is my responsibility to notify the proper authorities, which in this case, is the Grant County Sherriff’s Department. If they decline to investigate, I will notify the New Mexico State Police. I suggest you confine your duties to the interior of Global where you obviously need to spend more time finding out what might go wrong again.”

   “You, are, under my command!” For a moment I had a vision of Becker stomping his feet in order to get his way. “This facility is under the protection of the World Health Organization and I represent the United Nations!” Becker must have been spraying spit as he shouted because Packer reached up and wiped his face as he grimaced. “If you refuse to follow my directives, you will be relieved of command and escorted from the grounds! If you refuse to leave, you will be treated as a hostile entity and removed by whatever force is required and be assured, out there, is not somewhere you wish to be. If you are unconcerned for your own safety, think of your wife!”

   “What the fuck do you mean by that?”

   “What the fuck do you mean by that, Sir!”

   “Sir, fuck you, Sir!”

   Holy shit.

   “Gather your belongings, you are finished here.” Becker spun about and marched his way through the Ready Room, but as he spotted me, he slowed and said, “You fucking Americans, I will replace all of you! You will regret this day, I promise you!”

   As he passed by me, I slid the chair I was preparing to fold into the side of his trailing step, which forced it into his planted foot. The end result was he tripped and sprawled forward into a less than graceful heap. He scrambled to his feet and tried to snatch the pistol he was wearing on his hip, but Debra and Banner were right behind him. Banner grabbed his wrist as the pistol cleared the holster and Debra threw a chokehold around his neck. Within seconds, Becker stopped struggling as he passed out and Banner was holding the pistol. He showed it to me and said, “Do you know what this is?”

   I looked at it and shrugged, “No, not really, but it looks really old though.” The finish of the weapon was almost completely worn away.

   “This is a World War Two, P-38, issued by the German Army. Makes me wonder if it’s a family heirloom or something.” He ejected the magazine and examined the lips and the rounds contained within, “Nine mill, I wonder if it’s a reliable shooter as old as it is.”

   I shrugged again as Debra said, “What should we do with him, Lieutenant?”

   “Anyone have some plastic restraints?”  Banner walked outside and then back with his pack; he pulled a set of black plastic cuffs from inside and placed them around Becker’s wrists and snugged them up. “Okay,” Packer said. “Load him in one of the carts, drive him down to INSEC’s office and drop him off with their duty officer. Don’t hang around though, I might need you back here for statements. Did anyone hear the threats he made?”

   “I did,” I said.

   “Good, Banner, tell the Duty Officer I’m considering pressing charges of interfering with an on-going investigation, abuse of power, terroristic threats, and attempted assault with a deadly weapon. Did you get all of that?”

   “Yes, Sir.”

   “Take two more people with you and I want all three of you in full battle rattle. Touch up your face camo also. We’re looking for visual intimidation, but don’t be verbally confrontational.”

   “Yes, Sir.” Banner motioned another man in and they grabbed Becker and dragged him out by his upper arms.

   Debra stood up from where she had been kneeling and said, “That was kind of fun, it released some of the tension.”

   “I’m not sure tripping him, Smith, was a good idea. You were already on his radar,” Packer said. “He came in my office bitching about how the workers in the facility needed to be taught their place in the new order of things around here. He also said one of the Facility dregs, named Daniel Smith, had insulted him, and more than once.”

   “Oops,” I said. “Sorry, Lieutenant, but that guy has a serious superiority complex.”

   “So, I’ve noticed.” He looked around and said, “Well, I’ve tried to notify the proper authorities, but not with any success. Tarn, grab your team and take one of the utility trucks down to the highway. I want you to gather the bodies, and the apparent victim and then bring them here. Tomorrow, I’ll have someone take the remains down to Silver City and see if they have a morgue.”

   “You may as well take off, Smith, Tarn is going to be busy for a while and then I’ll debrief her and Banner after she gets back with the bodies.”

   He started to turn and walk away, but I said, “Lieutenant, I have something to show you concerning the violent acts that are being reported here in the Facility.”

   “Damn,” he said. “Can it wait until tomorrow?”

   “I’m sorry, Sir, but you really should take a look at it.”

   Debra was leaving and Banner was gone, so Packer motioned me to follow. We walked into his office and he sat behind his desk. “What have you got?” He asked.

   I started to withdraw my laptop, but then pointed to his, “Do you have the security video on your computer?”

   “Yes.”

   “If you don’t mind, Sir, your monitor is much larger than my laptop and should display better.” He reached down and powered up the computer. After a minute or so, he clicked on the icon for the security video and it began to play. “I know your eye gets drawn to where you already know the trouble started, but this is where you need to pay attention,” I said as I pointed to the man with his back to the techs.

   We watched until the bottle began to spin around and I said, “Pause…back up a little…pause. Okay, see the cabinet the man is working from?”

   “Yes.”

   I picked up a pencil and used the sharpened point to indicate the tube, “This right here, is what I believe is causing our recurring problem with violent acts and accidents.”

   “Okay, what am I looking at?”

   “What you see there is a pneumatic tube, that transports papers, notes, or small amounts of solid material. It works off of air pressure. If you look right here, you can see the access door of the tube. It automatically opens when the container is sent into the room, and automatically closes when you send the container out.” I had him back up the video a little more and pointed again with the pencil. “Right there, see the object in his hand?”

   “Yeah, it looks like a jar, maybe.”

   “It is, but it splits in half with a hinge and a closing catch; that is where you put what you want to send, inside of. Notice the two ends are larger than the diameter of the container, that is what restricts the air flow and causes the container to travel as the air pushes it.”

   “Oh, okay. I know what you’re talking about now. The last bank we used before coming here had drive-up tellers. If you had a check or money to deposit, you put them in there, pushed a button and it was carried away.”

   “Exactly,” I said. “My bank had them also.” I had him move the video forward once again until you could see the bluish spray from the broken container spurt in the direction of the man and tube. “Now, at this point, the spray is almost about to hit the man, what do you see?”

   He leaned forward, and then said, “The door of the tube is closing, but is not completely closed yet.”

   “Right.”

   “Shit.”

   “Right.”

   Packer said, “The contaminant was blown into the tube before the door closed and now, every time someone uses that tube, they are being exposed to whatever it was. It’s probably minute amounts, but enough to affect people and to have the material passed to others.”

   I nodded.

   “You may have just saved our bacon, Smith.”

   “How so?”

   “We pissed Becker off in a major way this evening, but by showing the administration this video, and explaining what we know about the contamination, they may decide to keep us around a little longer.” He smiled at me.

   “Yeah, maybe, but this video was illicitly given to us, we might screw someone else.”

   “No, we put a spin on it. I’ll tell administration INSEC demonstrated a great deal of initiative by gathering the information and then bringing it to us for confirmation before exposing the incompetence of the chief researchers in both labs.” He stopped for a moment, and then said, “Wait, does Ortiz have one of these pneumatic tubes in her lab also?”

   “Originally, it was planned for her lab also, but then someone realized they would be breaking protocols by using them, so the final connections were never supposed to be made, those tubes connecting the Genetics Lab and the Biochemistry Lab? They are definitely not supposed to be there; that’s why they are hidden inside of cabinets.”
  “Good, let’s allow an idiot to take the fall and we smell like roses.”

   “You’re devious, Lieutenant, you could go far in the corporate world.”

   “I’ll take these first thing in the morning to Administration and see if we can do some good. In the meantime, why don’t you take off and get some sleep. Tarn won’t be back until late and I’ll have her bed down in the Women’s Bay, okay?”

   “If you think that’s best, Sir.”

 

   I don’t remember much about my walk to the room, don’t remember lying down to sleep either. I vaguely remember watching the floor move underneath me, I think. What I do remember is waking up tied to a chair with two of those big INSEC guys, one on each side of me and Becker standing in front of me with a piece of garden hose in his hands. That piece of garden hose wasn’t typical, it was heavy duty and hurt like a bitch when Becker started hitting me with it. Becker smiled every time he swung it. I do remember that.

   I thought he was going to interrogate me, but he didn’t, he just told me what a piece of American shit I was. The blows raised welts, and then when the welts were hit a few more times they began to bleed. I couldn’t breathe through my nose; at the time I figured it was broken. My lips were split and along the inside of the left side of my mouth I could feel ragged sharp lines where my teeth used to be. My ears were ringing loudly, and I had a severe burning sensation around the left ear, but I didn’t know what had been done to it. Yeah, he was screwing me up pretty good. I just knew I hurt, bad.

   Sometimes he would leave for what seemed like hours at a time, and I hoped he was sleeping or something. Other times he would come and sit with what looked like a TV tray and eat in front of me, making smacking noises with his mouth and when he was done, he would throw what he hadn’t eaten at me. I can’t remember receiving anything to drink, but the only time my mouth was wet was when it was bleeding. The two INSEC goons disappeared eventually and never returned. Once, while he was out of the room, one said that he hadn’t signed up for this. The other guy told him to keep that shit to himself, unless he wanted the same thing. That was the last time I saw them.

   Towards the end, he kept asking how special I felt, did I still believe in American Exceptionalism?  I tried to answer him, but my mouth was too dry. He realized I was trying to speak, but couldn’t, so he opened a bottle of water and poured it into my mouth while he had my head pulled back by my hair. Finally, I was able to speak. I knew I wasn’t getting out of this, and no one was coming to the rescue. The only thing I could hope for was a quicker end, so when he stopped pouring water in, I sluiced the last of it around before I spit it out, directly on his pants leg. Looking up at his now, unsmiling face, I said, “When I get out of this chair, I’m going to shove your head up your bony little ass, you fucking entitled bitch.”

   Uh, yeah, he went berserk. He started screaming in German and punctuating his screams with blows from the hose over my head and face. I couldn’t see any longer because my eyes swelled shut, I could feel blood flowing down my face and onto my chest. I started to black out, but then he stopped and I thought, no, finish it. Finish it now! I shouted out, “Fuck you, you little bitch! Get a man in here, you pussy! You pitiful, fucking…”

   “Get him out of here! Put him down and secure him!” A woman’s voice.

   “Holy shit!” A man.

   “We need a medic in here!” The woman again. “Somebody cut these plastic cuffs off! Oh, god, oh, god.”

   Another man’s voice, “Tarn is on her way.”

   “Oh, fuck no! Do…not…let her…in here! Do you understand me? Do not let her in here!”

   I tried to talk, but it wouldn’t come out, finally, “Danni? Is that you?”

   “Yes!” Then in a calmer voice, “Yeah, Daniel, it’s me.”

   “Don’t…”

   “Don’t what, Daniel, what is it?”

   “Don’t let…”

   “What?” She sounded urgent.

   I took a deep breath, so I wouldn’t run out of air as I felt my ankles cut free, “Don’t let Debra in here.”

   “I won’t, Daniel, I promise.” Her voice was choking up.

   My wrists were cut loose and then something around my chest was loosened. I started to fall forward, but someone caught me, “I’ve got you, Bro, I’ve got you.”

   “Dan? Is that you?”

   “Yeah, it’s me.”

   “You and Danni, you have to stop Debra.”

   “No worries, Brother,” he said. “We’ve got it covered.”

   “How, how did you find me?” The ringing in my ears was getting worse, almost becoming a roar.

   “Mark Wilson and most of the INSEC guys, plus a bunch of EXSEC started searching every room we could find. It took a while, but we’ve got you now, we’ve got you.”

   Then another voice, “Move out of the way, Monroe, let us check him out.”

   I felt something placed around my arm and tried to pull away, “Easy, Smith, I’m going to take your blood pressure, relax, come on, relax.”

   I felt something cool pushed against my upper chest and another voice said, “Weak and thready.”

   I was having trouble holding my head up and it was getting really cold. I felt something prick my arm, and then again, “God Damn it! There’s too much blood all over!” I could feel something roughly wiping down my arm and then another prick, “Got it! Stand by with another IV!”

   Then I was looking down a dark tunnel, but there was light at the end and the light was growing brighter. “We’re losing him! We’re losing…”

  

   Whatever that beeping is, I wish someone would turn it off. God, I need a drink, my tongue is sticking to the roof of my mouth.

 

    That fricking beeping.

 

   I swear, if someone doesn’t turn off that beeping! I tried to open my eyes, but something was all over my face. The inside of my mouth, my ear, my ear is burning, what the hell. I tried to reach up, but my hand would only move a little before it was stopped, same with the other one. I tried to jerk my hands free, but nothing, Becker really had me strapped down…No, no, not Becker, hospital? I tried to raise up to a sitting position, but I was too weak and I hurt everywhere. I twisted my shoulders and tried to roll to first one side and then the other, but it felt like something was propped up against me and preventing me from rolling.

   “Hey, you, are you waking up?”

   I nodded.

   “I bet your mouth is really dry?”

   I nodded again.

   “I’m going to get you some ice chips, okay?”

   Again, I nodded.

   Time passed and I started to think the woman, nurse, wasn’t coming back, but she did.

   “Sorry it took so long, I’m going to open up the bandages over your mouth, so be patient, okay?”

   I nodded.

   I felt her moving next to the bed and then something cool passed over my lips and I could hear a snipping sound, “There it is, okay, here we go.” I felt an icy wetness pressed against my lips and allowed her to push it into my mouth. I sucked at it like it was the most incredible feeling ever.  “More?” She asked.

 I nodded again and she slipped more chips past my lips. She kept feeding me ice until I was able to say, “Where am I?”

   “The clinic in Phase Three. I’m Mary Cho, and I have night duty. It’s one AM.”

   “I guess everyone is home in bed?”

   “Yes, but Doctor Horne will be here around 8 AM.” She had a nice voice.

   “Can you release my wrists?”

   “Yes, but no excessive moving around, okay?”

   “I’m very uncomfortable, can I sit up more?”

   “Of course,” I felt the bed start humming as my head and upper torso began to rise. It stopped and she asked, “How is that?”

   “Better.” I raised my hands and touched my face, “What’s all this?”

   “You were beaten very badly. Fortunately, although you will have some scarring, Doctor Maynard says it shouldn’t be too bad. Doctor Horne was able to fix a lot of the facial injuries and if I do say so myself, once the swelling recedes you should heal up very nicely.”

   “What else?”

   “Doctor Hennesey, he’s one of our dentists, says there was enough of your broken teeth left that he will be able to use them for the foundations for implanted teeth, so no worries there. You have a lot of bad cuts and deep bruising on your chest, your upper back, your abdomen, and upper thighs. Your left ear was partially torn loose, but it has been sewn back in place. Your eyelids are badly swollen and Doctor Horne says that if there’s no improvement, he is going to cut the lids and relieve the pressure, this morning.”

   “Okay, they are kind of sensitive.”

   “Would you like a sleeping pill? It’s going to be another seven hours before Doctor Horne arrives.”

   “No thank you, I’m kind of struggling to stay awake right now anyway.”

   “Okay,” she said, and then she pressed something into my hand, “This is the nurse call button; just press this,” She said as she placed my thumb on what felt like a TV remote. “And I’ll come running, okay?”

   “Thank you.”

 

   I woke up flailing my arms around when the doctor put the stethoscope on my chest. “This is the reason I wanted him restrained, Mary.”

   “I’m sorry, Doctor Horne, he seemed lucid last night when he woke up.”

   “Sorry, I’m sorry,” I said. “It would help if you just wake me up before touching me.”

   “Ah, so you’re awake, Smith, good.”

   “Yeah, I am, look, just wake me up first, okay? If I hit you, I’m sorry, please, just don’t restrain me, please.”

   “In your weakened state, Smith, my concern isn’t for my safety, but for yours. You pulled the IV needle out of your arm when you tried to push me away. Mary, let’s get a new needle in and clean him up a bit.”

   “Yes, Doctor.”

   “Are you going to cut my eyelids?”

   “I’m going to check them in just a moment, can you see any light through the bandages?”

   “No, nothing.” That scared me a bit.

   He must have detected my emotional state in my voice, “Don’t worry, I checked your eyes when you were brought in and they seemed relatively uninjured. Doctor Nagana, our ophthalmologist, said you might have some floaters, but then again, maybe not. Do you know what I’m talking about?”

   “The floaters? Uh, yeah, blood clots floating in the fluid of your eye. They can reflect light and screw up your vision. I had a friend who had them.”

   “Yes, but we will need to perform some further tests to establish if that’s a situation for us to be concerned about. Okay, I’m going to start removing the bandages from around your eyes, let me know if you start seeing any light.”

   I tried to lean forward to give him better access, but it simply hurt too much. He removed the bandages and I told him when I began to detect light out of my right eye, but nothing from the left. He told me not to worry, that the left eye was a lot more swollen than the right. After enduring a few painful pokes and prods, he finally said, “Yeah, let’s cut those lids and drain them, I’m pretty sure it will relieve some of your discomfort.”

   “Okay,” I said.

   I could hear them rustling around for a minute and they talked back and forth, finally, “Okay Smith, I need you to be very still, alright?”

   “Okay.”

   “You’re going to feel a little sting in your left eye…there, good job. Mary, hold that gauze in place to soak up the blood.”

   “Hey,” I said. “I think I might be seeing some light.” I was, I definitely was seeing a lighter haze.

   “That’s what I want to hear and that’s the worst eye, so I think we’re going to be good to go.”

   I released my pent-up breath.

   “Doctor, this is mostly done draining, do you want to do the lower lid now?”

   “Yes, same thing as before, Smith, try to be still, you’ll feel a slight stinging sensation…there, good job, Mary.”

   I felt her applying pressure with a gauze pad again.

   “Yeah,” I said. “I’m definitely seeing more light.”

   From farther away I heard someone gasp and then Mary said, “I told you to wait outside, I told you and your friends you did not want to watch this.”

   “Sorry, we just wanted…”

   “Danni? Is that you?” I asked.

   “Yeah, it’s…”

   Mary snapped, “Outside, now.”

   “Is Debra out there?”

   “Yes, she is. I didn’t tell her I was coming to check how things were going.”

   Doctor Horne released a heavy sigh, “I know you are worried, but please let us finish undisturbed. I’ve got a sharp scalpel within a millimeter of his eyes, okay?”

   “Sorry,” she said. “Dan, I’m going to tell Debra you’re awake and they are working on you. I’m going to tell her you’re better; you are better, right?”

   “Yeah, I’m better.”

   “Okay.” She said.

   Doctor Horne said, “We need a secure door between the waiting room and the patient area.”

   “Either that or a big scary looking guy,” Mary said.

   I chuckled, “Sorry, but those two don’t scare easy.”

   “Yeah,” Horne said. “We had to call your girlfriend’s CO to get her out of here before.”

   “Lieutenant Packer was here?” I asked.

   “Yeah,” Mary said. “His wife was the one that got your girlfriend to settle down.”

   “Okay,” Horne said. “Let’s get this finished up. Are you ready to do the other eye?”

   “Please,” I said.

   When he finished, he said, “Okay, what have you got?”

   “I can actually see out of it, a little blurry, but I can definitely see.”

   “Good. The blurriness will pass quickly, the skin of the eyelid is stretched out and resting lower than you are used to, but it should shrink back. Eyelids are very elastic. I’m done here, Mary can you finish up?”

   “Yes, Doctor Horne.”

   “I need to go talk to an anxious girlfriend.”

   He left and Mary kept dabbing at the blood as it leaked from my eyelid. “This will probably need an eye pad over it, but I’m going to leave you a wad of gauze for the time being. That way you can see for a little while, okay?”

   “Thank you.” She handed me the gauze just in time to catch a droplet of blood as it collected on my eyelashes.

   “I’m going to get that pad for your eye, I’ll be right back.”

   “Okay.”

   I heard whispering outside and then Danni peeked around the curtain surrounding my bed. She smiled at me and ducked back out. Then Debra stepped into view, she looked at me, her hand covered her mouth and she froze; I could see the whites of her eyes as they opened really wide. I started getting uncomfortable and finally said, “Do I look that bad?”

   She rushed forward and grabbed my right hand, the one without all the needles stuck in it and pressed it to her lips before saying, “Are you kidding? You look horrible!”

   “Wow,” I said. “There’s a confidence builder for you.”

   Danni followed Debra in and laughed, “Debra may be really good in bed, but her bedside manner, needs some improvement.”

   I tried to smile, but my split lips said ‘no.’ “Ow.”

   Debra began to softly weep as she held the back of my hand pressed to her chest while she leaned forward and kissed my cheek. Again, I said, “Ow.”

   Debra looked me over and said, “Is there anywhere I can kiss you that doesn’t hurt?”

   I decided a little levity was called for, so I chuckled and said, “Well, I was tied to a chair, so maybe my ass?”

   “Dan,” she said. “I’m going to hit you somewhere you don’t hurt just to make you hurt more.” She called me Dan, uh, oh.

   I pulled my hand free, slipped it behind her neck and pulled her down so I could whisper in her ear. She mock gasped and pulled back, then smiled as she said, “Daniel, are you shitting me? You’re half-dead and you want…you are so typically male, and I’ve been telling the girls you were special; now I’m not so sure.”

   I tried to smile again, but, yeah, split lips, so I wiggled my eyebrows instead, damn, that hurt too, “Ow.”

   “Serves you right,” Debra said and Danni laughed.

   Then Danni said, “Hey, Debra, you haven’t eaten in three days and I’m hungry too. You want to go grab a bite and then come back?”

   “I am hungry,” Debra said.

   “Why haven’t you been eating?” I asked her.

   Mary walked in and interrupted, “I need to get this pad on your eye, sorry.”

   “Okay,” I said and then to Debra, “Why haven’t you been eating?” She cocked her head to one side and raised an eyebrow, an expression that I have learned meant she was becoming displeased. “Uh, yeah, why don’t the two of you go get some breakfast.”

   Danni asked, “Do you want us to bring you something?”

   Mary said, “His breakfast is already here, so don’t bother.”

   Danni laughed and said, “Yeah, but hospital food…”

   “Comes from the same place you’re going for breakfast. Besides, I ordered the only thing on the menu he can probably eat.”

   “Which is?” Debra asked.

   “Hot wheat cereal.”

   “That lumpy stuff?” I asked.

   “No, I had them send over the instant packaged variety,” she said. “The maple and brown sugar kind.”

   “Oh, okay.” I said and then to Debra, “Go eat, Babe.”

   “Okay, I’ll be back as soon as I’m finished.” She and Danni walked out and I could hear them laughing as they left.

   Mary said, “It’s good to hear her laughing, she has been worried sick since they brought you in.”

   “Yeah, about that, how long was I unconscious?”

   “Two days, you would have been awake sooner, but Doctor Horne kept you sedated, this is your third day in the clinic.”

   “Damn, looks like I’ve lost some time.”

   “Yes, you have. Let’s get this pad on your eye and then I’ll feed you, okay?”

   “Okay,” I said, but I fell asleep almost immediately.

 

   When I woke, it was again late in the evening or early in the morning, it was difficult to tell. The one thing I did know was, I needed the restroom rather badly. I couldn’t figure out why I needed it so badly though, because I knew there had been a catheter stuck in an unfortunate place. I felt around trying to find the nurses call button remote thing, but apparently it had been left out of my reach. Damn. I reached out and my hand bumped into something, from the feel of it I decided it was the table designed to be placed over the bed. I grabbed with my fingers and pulled. Yep, it had wheels. After pulling it close, I gently felt around the surface to see if the call remote was there. I found something and as I picked it up, I inadvertently pushed a button. The back rest of the bed started receding down. I let off the button and tried to find the one that would return it to where it had been, but the legs began to rise. “Shit.”

 “Hey, do you need the bed adjusted? Why didn’t you just ask me?” Debra, her voice sounded sleepy.

   “Babe, why are you here? You should be home resting.”

   “I can’t sleep in our room; I keep worrying you will need something and no one will hear you. They gave me a cot to sleep on.”

   “Oh, okay. I need to…”

   I felt her hands touch me and then the bed remote, “Head up? Down? Legs? Tell me what you need.”

   “Bathroom.”

   “Huh?”

   “The bathroom, for some reason the catheter doesn’t seem to be draining my bladder.”

   “Oh, they took that out because you were waking up and stuff. They said it might be good for you to get up and go to the restroom if you can. If not, there’s a bottle here I can hold for you.”

   “Oh no, you’re not!”

   “What?”

   “I will not, have you hold a bottle while I piss in it!”

   “Why?”

   “Well, because, it doesn’t seem, I mean…”

   “Oh, for goodness sake, Daniel. I’ve seen it before you know. Lots of times.”

   “That’s different, a woman shouldn’t have to, well, you know, do that kind of stuff.”

   “Are you saying if it was me in the bed, you wouldn’t help me?”

   “What? Of course, I would! I would have a responsibility to…”

   “To what?”

   “Alright, I get your point, I guess I just had to look at it from the other perspective.”

   “That’s my man.”

   “We still can’t do anything until Mary removes all these tubes and shit from my arm.”

   “Daniel, the IV stand has wheels, so you can walk around while connected.”

   “How am I supposed to know that?”

   She chuckled and dropped the side rail of the bed, “Okay, do you want to try standing up?”

   “Yeah,” I said as I slid first one leg and then the other over the side. She reached out, grasped my upper arms and as I stood up shakily, she helped support me.

   “I don’t like this, Daniel, you’re shaking really bad.”

   “I’ll be okay, give me a few seconds.” I stood there and let my legs steady down and then asked for the IV stand.

   “Don’t rely on that to lean on, Daniel, the wheels will roll away from you.”

   I reached out and rested my other arm on her shoulder, “I know I can rely on you; I’m just going to pull this along.” She led me out from behind the curtain and then into a hall. Thankfully, we only walked a short distance and stopped, my right upper leg was stabbing me painfully with every step.

   “This is it; I’ll get the door.” I heard the latch turn and a slight whooshing sound as the air around us was disturbed. She grasped my arm, led me in, and then turned me slightly, “Step back a little and you’ll feel the toilet.” I did, and she helped me settle down on to the seat.

   “Okay,” I said. “This is going pretty well, why don’t you step outside and I’ll let you know when I’m finished.”

   “Are you sure, I know it’s embarrassing, but…”

   “I’ll be okay, really.”

   There was hesitation in her voice, but she finally conceded, “Okay, knock on the wall when you’re done.”

   “I will.” I heard her steps as she moved out of the room and the sigh of the door as it closed. Thank god. I relaxed and took care of my business, which took a while; I think the drugs I was receiving were giving me a bit of constipation. Finally, I finished, and then realized, I had no idea where the TP was. Crap, and how was I supposed to know when I was done cleaning my ass? And another thing, I’m right-handed and wipe my ass with my left, which was riddled with needles. Try wiping your ass with the hand you never use and blinded by eye pads, “Son-of-a-bitch!” I said.

   I heard the door open slightly and Debra said, “What? What did you say? Are you okay?”

   “I’m fine, close the door, Babe.”

   “Well, okay.”

   The door closed and I sat there a moment and finally thought, screw it, the eye pads are going bye-bye. I pulled the tape loose and removed the gauze eye pads, they stuck a bit to my eyelids, but I got them off. I found the toilet paper and finished up, but when I went to stand and go to the sink, the pain in my thighs, especially the right, was intense, so I knocked on the wall.

   The door opened and Debra stepped in, “All done?”

   “Yeah, but I need to wash my hands.”

   She helped me up and I leaned against the sink while I washed, then we made our way back to the bed and got me squared away. Once I was lying down, I groaned, “Damn, I’m really hurting.”

   “Where?” Debra asked.

   “Everywhere.”

   “Mary said if you woke up in pain, to let her know and she’d get you fixed up. Shall I call her?”

   “I hate to say it, Babe, but yeah.”

   She picked up the bed controller and pressed a blue button. An amber light started slowly flashing and a few moments later, Mary walked in. “Hi, are you having some discomfort?”

  I nodded, but Debra said, “I think it must be pretty bad, I’ve seen him go to work when he could barely stand because of back pain and never complain. He’s complaining.”

   “Okay, Daniel, on a scale of one-to-ten, with ten being really bad, where would you express your level of pain?”

   “Four, maybe five.”

   Debra said, “Daniel?”

   “Six, maybe a seven.”

   “Dan!”

   “Alright! A solid eight.”

   “Ok, I can give you Morphine for really bad pain like you are describing, or we can go with Tylenol.”

   “I always get really good results if I take Ibuprophen.”

   “Nope, with the injuries you have, Ibuprophen is a guaranteed no-no; it’s a blood thinner.”

   “I’ve had Morphine before and didn’t like the way it made me feel. Let’s see if Tylenol will take the edge off.”

   “Are you sure?”

   “Yeah, no Morphine, unless it gets a lot worse and maybe not then.”

   Debra said, “Daniel was abandoned by his mother when he was born, supposedly she was a drug addict. He was told he might have a genetic predisposition to additive behaviors, so he avoids them whenever possible.”

   I felt a momentary flash of irritation she would offer up what she knew was a major, very personal, worry of mine, hell she worried about the same thing with her parents being the way they were.

   “Ah, okay. It’s good to be aware of the possibility, but I wouldn’t be too concerned if I were you. The number of people whose drug addiction can be traced through genetic factors are rather slim.”

   “Really? Are you sure?” I asked.

   “Yes, I’m sure, do you want to reconsider?” Mary asked.

   “No,” I said. “I still don’t like the way it makes me feel.”

   “Just out of curiosity,” Mary said. “Have you ever felt like you were addicted to anything, maybe cigarettes?”

   “The only addiction I’m aware of is her,” I said as I pointed at Debra.

    Debra laughed and said, “Sometimes, he says the most romantic things.”

   Mary smiled as she shook her head and started to leave, “Okay, then. Two Tylenol, coming up.”

  

   Recovery took a while. The scar tissue around my left ear would sometimes itch so bad it would drive me to distraction. I have to it give to the medical professionals we had at the facility though; they were pretty damn good at what they did. Doctor Horne did a great job on fixing up my face, yeah, I had some scars, but they were hard to see even in direct light. My nose is a little crooked, but Debra swears she kind of likes the way it looks now. Our dentist is also an oral surgeon, so he got my teeth on the left side of my face fixed up, I don’t even notice them anymore. The scars on my chest, abdomen, and upper thighs; they couldn’t do much for them though and sometimes I can feel them pulling a bit. Horne thinks the hose Becker used may have been slit and as a result it would clip off little narrow strips of skin.

   Becker recorded the torture sessions and, in his apartment, they found videos of people being similarly abused. The guy was definitely a sick SOB. No one ever asked if I wanted to see the video, no thank you, been there, done that. Debra has never seen it either, even though she demanded that Lieutenant Packer allow her to see it. He flat refused her demands. She did see the room before it was cleaned up though, Danni said she walked in the room, saw the blood splattered everywhere and then demanded she be told where Becker was. No one would tell her. She has told me that some of the other members of EXSEC have seen portions of the video and were astounded by how I reacted to the torture. They said I resisted heroically to Becker’s sadistic acts and attacked him verbally to the very end. I wonder if they would think I was so heroic if they knew I was trying to piss him off enough to finally put an end to me. Personally, I kind of feel like maybe I chose the cowards way out; I should have hung in there and hoped for the best, to be rescued, so I could get back to Debra. I just wanted the pain to stop.

   When Packer and Lieutenant Williams, the interim CO of INSEC, asked what was done with Becker, Administration said not to worry about it, he was gone and would never be able to repeat his offense. I’ll wonder about that until I see his dead body.

   Packer sent 1^st squad in three vehicles down to Silver City with the four bodies and they ended up bringing them back. The town was either burned out, or burning. They reported there were dead in the streets and they were shot at numerous times. They ended up operating as a vehicle mounted combat patrol and left some bodies in their wake. The four bodies were buried at the end of the airstrip, the girl separate from the men. Someone made a concrete cross and placed it as a headstone for her. The three men are simply marked with a stake in the ground in case they need to be dug out for some reason.

   The world in general? I suppose it’s a lot like Silver City; a smoking ruin. I guess someone should have been recording the news reports, so someday, maybe, we could have put together some sort of timeline, a way to see the path that was taken. Gillian Packer said she only heard one report from a national news agency that could be attributed to some sort of suspected chemical attack that caused people to turn on each other. Just a short blip about a major riot in Tucson, Arizona. Apparently, the Arizona Highway Patrol, with the assistance of the National Guard, sealed off the city to stop the spread of the violence. That’s only a few hours from where we are, so I wonder.

   Packer says he firmly believes the Facility Administration knows a lot more about the causes of the collapse than they are letting on, Lieutenant Williams does too. Packer met Williams outside of Marlow’s office and Williams had two of his INSEC guys with him. Packer said he was nervous because all three of them were armed. They went in together, to speak with Doctor Marlow about the situation, but Packer said it seemed as though Marlow was expecting them. Marlow invited them to his private office, once inside, he immediately relieved Packer of command of External Security and appointed Williams as temporary CO of all Facility defense forces. Packer admits that initially he suspected it was a plan that Williams was a part of, but instead of accepting the Director’s order, Williams placed himself and INSEC under the command of Packer. Packer then had Marlow assemble the directors of every department in the facility and they were informed Marlow was no longer in control, but the now, Board of Directors, could nominate three members to act as the final authority for leadership within the facility, so long as they did not declare a decree contrary to the Constitution of the United States. There would also be a military advisor to the Final Authority, but the advisor would have no vote in any decision.

   A few days after the installation of the Board of Directors and the Final Authority, the Final Authority called Packer and Williams to its meeting room and informed them that because of their increase in responsibility, Packer would be advanced to the rank of Major, and Williams would be advanced to the rank of Captain. In addition, any member of Internal Security who wished to, would be transferred to External Security and any members of Internal Security who wished, would be transferred or released from employment. Thereafter, the Board would disarm, then disband Internal Security, which would be replaced by a hand-picked constabulary to enforce the Board of Directors’ laws, rules and regulations. In addition, the EXSEC Auxiliary would be renamed the Global Militia, and be under the direct control of the Final Authority.

   It was a blatant political power play, to regain control of the facility.

   I happened to be in the Ready Room waiting for Debra to get off duty when ‘Major Packer,’ and ‘Captain Williams’ returned from the meeting. Packer was not a happy camper. At first, I began to get tense because I thought Packer and Williams were arguing, but they weren’t, they were agreeing with one another, but in a pissed off manner.

   “Those chickenshit motherfuckers,” Packer was saying. “They know the military has a tradition of nonpolitical partisanship, and they are using it to their advantage!”

   “Bastards!” Williams said. “You’re exactly right, but that doesn’t mean we have to play along. We gave them power and we can take it away just as easily!”

   “I thought they would see the writing on the wall and temper their bullshit,” Packer said. “But I could not have been more wrong.”

   I rose from where I was sitting and using my cane to lean on, I limped slowly over to join them. “Sirs, judging from what you were saying as you came in the door, I assume the Board has given you both raises and rank while they tried a grab for more power?”

   “To say the least.” Packer said.

   “They thought by giving us higher ranks, we would be more malleable,” added Williams.

   I chuckled, “Politicians always underestimate the military,” I nodded towards Packer. “And Law Enforcement,” as I glanced at Williams. “They never seem to grasp the concept that the people who gravitate towards community service are by personality, maintainers. They seek to maintain the status quo; to seek equilibrium, to avoid chaos. Neither one of you want to kill, but you are prepared to do so if called upon for a righteous cause. Am I right?”

   I could tell Packer was irritated, but he nodded, “Keep going, Smith.” Then he looked at Williams and said, “You know who Daniel Smith is, but you don’t know, what, he is.”

   “That pretty much covers it,” Williams replied. “I know he works at Facilities, I know he is a member of the Auxiliary, I assume he has above average intelligence because everyone here does, and I know a shitload of your people were willing to go all the way to find him when Becker had him. So, yeah, I know who he is, but not why he’s important.”

   Packer nodded, “Good enough. He’s probably one of the smartest people in the complex. He has an impressive ability to work through problems and find fixes for them. He seems to make intuitive leaps in logic, but I think it’s just plain old detective work. Once he gets his teeth in the meat, he doesn’t stop chewing until he gets to the bone. I also consider him a friend and advisor. If he has something to say, I suggest we listen.” My face felt hot and I had trouble meeting Packer’s eyes; I had no idea how he felt about me, or thought about me.

   “Like I said, Smith, keep going.”

   “Thank you, Lieuten…I mean Major.”

   “Not sure I’m going to accept that increase in rank, considering who awarded it.”

   “You should, Major,” then I looked at Williams and added, “The same in your case, Captain.”

   “Explain,” Packer said.

   “Yes, Sir. You installed the current, regime, shall we say?”

   “Unfortunately.”

   I smiled, “Hind sight is always 20/20, Sir, what you didn’t take into account was the people you put in charge were the hardcore believers, the fanatics. That’s how they came to hold the positions of power they had. I know you were attempting to keep a group of trained people who already knew their jobs in order to maintain a flow of continuity, but the direction of flow was contrary to the direction you wanted to go. Hell, we did the same thing in Germany after World War Two, we left NAZI officials in the positions they held under Hitler, in order to maintain order, to avoid chaos. To maintain continuity. It worked there, but you also had the public trials of ranking NAZI officials going on and the Nazis that were working for us could clearly see what was going to happen if they crossed the line. Here, in our situation, there were no Munich Trials, no one was charged with crimes against Humanity. No one was charged with murder, or even accessory to murder because we still haven’t got to the bottom of this whole thing. We may never know the complete truth.”

   “What you’re saying is interesting, Smith, but as you once said to me, ‘I’m not seeing it.’”

   “You put these people in power, now if you jerk the rug out from beneath them with the threat of force, because they do something you disagree with, you become the bad guys. Believe me, there will be people who will buy into that thought.”

   “I know,” Packer said. “But if we allow this to continue…”

   “At this point, Major, you have no choice. You must allow them to continue on their path…”

   “Bull shit!” Williams burst out.

   I held up a finger and said, “Not really, because we know who these people are. They won’t be able to help themselves from doing something, sooner or later, that will be contrary to the Constitution, or the Bill of Rights. That’s where you step in. You swore an oath to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, against all enemies both foreign and domestic, right?”

   Packer chuckled, and then laughed, so did Williams. “See why I keep him around, Captain Williams?”

   “Yep, I’m going to be honest and say I can’t remember the wording of the oath I took, but if you were to have me take another oath, as a member of External Security, I would be more than happy to repeat it.”

   “Let me ask you this,” I said. “How many of the members of INSEC would be willing to reaffirm their oaths as members of EXSEC?”

   “Most of them. A few, as you know, will follow any order, so long as someone in authority gives it,”

   “Yeah, I know, but that’s always the case. I remember reading a report once about a Naval officer who was doing a study for a Master’s Thesis. He submitted a series of questions in the form of a questionnaire to a group of Marines at 29 Palms. One of the questions asked, was if they, as individuals, would be willing to fire on American civilians if they resisted the confiscation of personal firearms. Something to the order of 87% said no.”

   “Of course, they did!” Packer said as he smiled. “They swore the same oath I did.”

   “You’re missing the flip side, Major.”

   “Which is?” I simply stared at him for a moment before he added, “The other 13%. You find out who they are and you reassign them to form politically reliable units. Then you bring them out to do your bidding while you order your other troops to confine themselves on base.”

   “Bingo.” I looked at Williams and could see the wheels turning, “Speaking of the other 13%, Captain, any word on the two guys that helped Becker?”

   “Sorry, but they are officially gone from the picture. They both took their personal vehicles and bailed. One thing to keep in mind though, they realized their mistake of tying themselves to Becker’s wagon. I strongly suspect it was one of them that gave us the tip on where to find you.”

   I nodded, “That’s what I have been thinking also. I don’t remember a lot of what happened, but I do remember they were talking to each other and agreed that what Becker was doing was wrong. I distinctly remember one of them saying he didn’t sign up for what Becker was doing.”

   Williams said, “They did help him though, and if I ever find them…”

   We were all quiet for a moment and then Packer said, “We need to find out where the Administration sent him. I want him bad, the things he did to you.”

   My hands started to tremble, so I pulled them back from the surface of the table and dropped them to my lap.

   Williams softly said, “I watched maybe five minutes of the recording and turned it off.”

   “I watched more of it,” Packer said. “I wanted it burned into my brain, so I couldn’t forget.”

   “If you don’t mind,” I said. “Could we not talk about it?” My legs were starting to tremble. I knew what was happening, another panic attack, I could feel it coming. “I need to go now, when Debra gets off, tell her…” I stood up and started limping away.

   “Daniel! Dan, wait!” I heard Packer’s chair as the legs scraped on the floor and as I walked out the door he said, “Damn it to hell!”

   I made it to our room, got the door open and then closed it behind me. I groped forward in the dark until I reached our bed, pulled it away from the wall and crawled into the corner where I contracted into a ball and started to shake. Fear, the memory of fear can be a terrible weapon, and Becker wielded it with enthusiasm.

   Eventually, I heard the door being unlocked and then light flooded in. She was silhouetted in the doorway. “Daniel? Daniel, are you here?” She stepped in farther and said, “Honey? Where are you?”

   I managed to whisper, “Here.”

   “I’m going to switch on the light.”

   “Don’t, I…just don’t.” I didn’t want her to see me, the way I was cowering in the corner.

   She closed the door and I heard her gear drop to the floor. “I’m here, Hon, talk to me so I can find you.”

   “I can’t, I can’t do this, I need to finish this, I can’t wait any more, I need to finish this shit.”

   She found me and knelt down before she wrapped her arms around me, “I’m here, Baby, I’ve got you, I’ve got you.”

   “No, you don’t, he’s got me and he won’t let go.”

   “No, Baby, he doesn’t, I’m not going to let him hurt you ever again, I won’t let him.”

   I reached up and forcefully tapped the side of my head, “He’s in here, Debra! He’s in my head and I can’t get him out!”

   She started to cry, “No! Don’t give that to him! Don’t let him take you! You’re mine and only mine! Please, Baby, don’t talk like this! I need you; I love you! Please…”

   “I don’t have any choice, Debra, I cannot go on like this! I have to find him and end him! It’s the only way to get him out of my head! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t want revenge this bad, but I can’t help myself! He’s going to do it again, to someone else, it’s what he does! The longer I wait, the better the chance he will do it again! I cannot let him hurt someone else like he did me. He…must…die!”

   “Wha…what?”

   “Babe, I know, I know I can’t be me as long as he lives. He’s squirming around in my mind like some kind of maggot crawling through a corpse. I have to end this; it’s driving me crazy. You deserve a better me, someone that’s free of his shit. Please try to understand.”

   “I, I mean, I thought you, I thought you wanted to hurt yourself. I thought you wanted to go away and leave me alone with just your memory.”

   “Kill myself?”

   With a whimper she said, “Yes?”

   “Oh my god,” I said. “No, never, you are my world, my everything, it’s just, I am not the man you love, not as long as Becker lives.” She was being wracked by heavy sobs and I wanted to crawl into the floor and disappear. “Babe, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, but I can’t be me, not as long as I don’t know if he’s dead or alive. I can’t rest until I’m standing over his body and his memory is gone.” I squeezed her tightly and pressed my face into her neck. “I would never leave you with a memory like that, Babe, never.” My hate for Becker was starting to hurt others, I was hurting the woman I wanted to spend my life with.

   Finally, she pushed away slightly and I felt her hands go up to her face and I knew she was wiping away tears. She cleared her throat and said, “Okay, where do we start?”

   “Start?”

   “Where do we start looking for Becker?”

   “Babe, I’m not talking about justice, fuck justice, I’m talking about full, unadulterated revenge.”

   “It works for me.”

   “I’m talking about murder.”

   “No, you’re not,” she whispered as she cuddled up to me.

   “Babe.”

   “You’re a good man, Daniel, you would never consider murder, that’s not in you, so we need to call it what is.”

   “What it is?”

   “In the Air Force, we called it a pre-emptive strike.”

   “Yeah? There’s a phrase for that?”

   “A pre-emptive strike, or maybe a punitive counter-strike.”

   “Yeah, that works for me,” I said. “Punitive works just fine.”